Violence Vs. Nonviolence

So I don't remember exactly which readings these are for, but they're some thoughts I had written down a while ago.

For me, violence is not accidental; it's intentionally harming someone or something in some way. It can be against a person, an animal, property or the environment and can be standard physical harm, or emotional, psychological, etc. I don't really have a clear idea on what "harm" is. Something about lowering of standards... living standards, limiting options, reducing... somehow limiting potential. Part of violence goes back to that saying about means and ends. Violence doesn't necessarily care about the methods... as long as the end goal is accomplished that's all that matters.

Galtung talked about structural, direct and cultural violence. I can understand all three, but to me it's really difficult and almost unfair to accuse and convict someone of anything except direct violence. They can control their actions. But how can you judge a member of a majority group based on the actions of the whole? They're not in control of that. They can't individually change that. They can think something's wrong and unfair and unjust... like, let's say wage inequality for women or ethnic/racial minorities... but what can one man do about that? If he's in charge of paying people, that's different, but just any random man can't change the structure and I feel it's wrong to blame him for things beyond his control.

I guess this goes into my confusion about how intentional does violence have to be? Like in the example above, I really don't think people actually sit around and think to themselves, "Oh yes, I want to pay women and minorities less, because I'm a mean nasty person that way". At the same time, they need to be accountable for their actions. How intentional does violence have to be? Similarly, how intentional does nonviolence have to be for it to be technically used as a tactic? I really think some people are just less aggressive or prone to use violence than others. But at the same time, do they have to consciously use nonviolence as a tactic/method for it to count?